After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
