he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
