mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Randomize
