I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
