I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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