Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
