Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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