i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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