Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Your penis caused this!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
