This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
