I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
