everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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