the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
