is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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