My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I party with great urgency now.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
