i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
