You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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