i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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