I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
