Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
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