i would punch a child for taco bell
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
