If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
