there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so let's talk penis.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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