Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
