I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
