Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
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