Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
