Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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