Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I think I sprained my soul last night
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
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