Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
