Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
