Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
