There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
