I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
