i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
