I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
