My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
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