these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
