you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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