too bad you live with your parents still
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Let's paint friendship bongs
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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