Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
