Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
