i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
