We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
