How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
