I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
