I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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