She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I believe in your delicious
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
