and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
