This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Randomize
