You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
