she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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