she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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