I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
