Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
