she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
