I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
